IMPACT OF SOCIETY ON INFERTILITY

Our stand is “we don’t have to worry about the rain. But we can take an umbrella go out and finish our work”. We prepare the prospective mothers in this concept.

It appears that society has issued license to talk or comment about infertility. Strangers also freely ask without any hesitation how many children they have? When the other person says NO, they give advice about it. Many times they don’t know the fact, but they talk authentically because no one questions them back.

Prospective parents need not feel guilty and need to understand that they are not answerable to others. When a stranger or a known person asks casually without any hurting intention, we can just smile or give casual reply or change the topic. Sometimes elderly person or closed relative passes careless and ruthless remarks about the infertile couple. We need to understand their intention and answer them back accordingly.

Society supports when they talk ill about others in the name of infertility. No one questions them or condemns them, on the other hand they justify them telling what they are telling is truth only.

We cannot change the society but we need to take a decision to defend ourselves. We should not feel bad or guilty because we have not done anything wrong. The quality of gold can be pronounced only by gold smith or jeweler who have knowledge about it. So also Gynecologists or infertility Specialist only can pronounce fertility status. Without seeing their reports they also cannot pronounce judgment. We have to take a firm resolve that we should beget a very good child who would be healthy happy and with great qualities.

One of our prospective mothers Sailaja devised this strategy. Previously after humiliating remarks in a birthday party she thought of attempting suicide. After counseling she became positive and confident and started attending functions. Once when an elderly relative told Sailaja she would never conceive. Immediately she retorted asking “are you a doctor, how can you say that? My Doctor told me that I will conceive. I am taking treatment and I will surely conceive and show you”. That elderly lady had to keep quite. Later Sailaja conceived and delivered 2 intelligent and cute babies.

 Another prospective mother retorted like this “is it written on my face that I will not conceive, how can you say that” when they ask back the instigators shun away.

Ramya married for 7 years and had a minor ovulation problem and was corrected she changed her job 4 times just to escape from the inquisitive questioning of co-passengers while traveling in bus and colleagues. She used to feel embraced and guilty when someone broached about children. To escape from the questioning of familiar people she changed bus routes and later jobs. Later she became so vulnerable that she feared of facing new people also. So she quite the job and stopped going out. After a few session of counseling that made her understand herself worth and stand of the society she stopped worrying we made her to see people conceiving with longer married life (10-15 years of married life) also conceiving. She understood her physical problems are corrected after treatment. So she would surely conceive. She also realized she need not answer anyone why she had not conceived, more outsiders. She need not feel guilty and embarrassed. She understood it is a wrong manner of so called civilized society though it has been accepted as a norm for many centuries. She firmly decided to use an umbrella and go out and finish the work rather than fearing of the rain and staying at home. She joined the new job and enjoyed it.

One day she rang up and told me she went to a wedding and somebody asked she looked to her face and told “I am taking treatment I will surely conceive” I felt so happy and proud I can vividly remember that moment of joy any time. Later Ramya conceived and delivered 2 children. But that telephone call is an unforgettable achievement to me.